Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes indeed. It’s that time of month again – the time where I realize that summer is ending and Camp Ling is beginning!
Thus, for your enjoyment, please revel in my Controversial Post:
57 Ways To Skyrocket Your Blogging Stress and Agony!
1.) Check your Feedreader when you wake up.
2.) Gnash your teeth when you realize it’s still tallying the count.
3.) Go go pour your first cup of morning coffee and realize you forgot to turn on the coffee maker.
4.) Turn on the coffee maker.
5.) Realize you forgot to add the coffee.
6.) Turn off the coffee maker and add coffee.
7.) Check your Feedburner stats.
8.) Mentally add the number "894" at the end of your feed count. Smile. Watch Who Hired Bob and revel that you certainly would never be that dumb.
9.) Start your daily blogging and make certain to turn OFF "save draft".
10.) Return to kitchen and realize, you forgot to turn the coffee maker back on. Kick the cupboard.
11.) Hop around on one foot because you forgot that you were Making Insanely Huge Amounts of Money in Your Underwear…and not wearing shoes during the time of the aforementioned kick.
12.) Hop back to your computer and figure, things couldn’t get worse.
13.) Hop over the power cord and miss, thus removing power to your computer.
14.) Watch your almost-finished blog post evaporate.
15.) Weep.
16.) Plug back in your computer.
17.) Muse upon the beauty of the color blue.
18.) Then realize you’re looking at the Blue Screen of Death.
19.) Weep.
20.) Return to kitchen to get first cup of coffee.
21.) Pour coffee.
22.) Realize you forgot to turn coffeecup right side up.
23.) Stare bemusedly at your toes that are now covered with boiling hot coffee.
24.) Hop on the other non-toe-damaged foot and gently emit sounds reminiscent of @#$(*@#%!!
25.) Hop back to computer and notice that 1% of the file dump has completed.
26.) Weep.
27.) Bandage your toes and finally successfully pour your coffee.
28.) Realize you ran out of coffee creamer.
29.) Breathe deeply to yourself and mediate upon the joys of bring frozen in time and space.
30.) Open your eyes and spy your kids’ protein powder.
31.) Say to yourself, golly gee, I wonder how THAT would taste?
32.) Add 1 tablespoon of vanilla-flavored whey to your coffee.
33.) Stir.
34.) Stir another minute.
35.) Set your spoon on auto-stir.
36.) Pat yourself on the back for saving this particular coffee crisis (protein powder actually tastes quite good in coffee, I use it whenever I’m in major weight-lifting mode).
37.) Start to hop back to your computer.
38.) Hop directly ONTO yellow lego brick your child left on the floor.
39.) Pause to feel the sharp edges become one with your dermis.
40.) Breathe deeply and intone to yourself, it’s character building!
41.) Crawl to your computer.
42.) Notice you can now log in.
43.) Log in and idly wonder, Gee, what does "Can’t Find C: drive" mean?
44.) Realize you forgot your coffee in the kitchen.
45.) Use the Force and compel the coffee to move towards you.
46.) Realize too late you should have compelled the cup to come along as well.
47.) Gaze upon your protein-powdered-laced coffee nestling IN your keyboard.
48.) Start to yearn for other lego blocks upon which you can stomp.
49.) Commandeer your child’s computer.
50.) Log onto Twitter.
51.) Muse upon how strong those birdies must be as they carry a whale aloft.
52.) Then realize that Twitter is DOWN and you cannot tell your network about your coffee angst.
53.) Weep.
54.) Stay strong, breathe deeply and declare to the heavens, I can DO this!
55.) Then realize you have no idea what THIS means.
56.) Explain to your children that no, Mommy or Daddy isn’t mental, we always walk around with our hands attached to our hair.
57.) Realize…gosh, this would make a super blog post for tomorrow! 🙂
Such are the ways Mommy minds work when contemplating Summer Camp 2008,
Barbara Ling
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ps – speaking about stress and agony:
Get Started Here
You’ll love what you learn… Promise!