Are you painfully enduring wisdom?

Morning!

My gosh, what a, ahem, unique weekend and start of the week!  I’ve come to the conclusion that not only is parenting and life a hero’s journey fraught with more emotions than a Punk Rock gospel revival, but it’s also one that causes you (if you lose the ego) a tremendous opportunity to learn as well.

Take a plastic slinky. 

Yes indeed, a blue plastic slinky….a blue plastic slinky that two over-exuberant single-digit boys broke together. 

Give each half to one boy….and see how they choose to react.  Behold:

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Boy #1.)  "MOM, it’s not big enough anymore to reach to the floor!  It’s ruined!  I can’t play ANYTHING!!!"  (followed by Boy #1. flinging himself to the ground and doing his best to imitate a hugely annoying black hole).

Boy #2.)  "MOM, look!  I can roll this across the floor and pretend it’s a circle car!  Wheeeeee!" (followed by Boy #2 devising a wonderfully creative storyline to go along with this new game)

See Mom.

See Mom tell Boy #1:

I can empathize with your feelings of frustration, but the fact is, it’s broke and you have to choose how you’ll behave.  See how your brother has happily changed his plans and is now having a ball?  You can choose to do the same!

See Boy #1 look at Mom and try to fossilize himself.

See Mom decide, Mom doesn’t give out drama rewards.

See Mom tell Boy #1:

Delightful.  If you choose to be miserable, so be it – I cannot change that for you.  Kindly be miserable elsewhere.

See Boy #2 joyfully yell from across the room:

Mom!  Look!  I’m pretending my circle car can win a million million races!

See Mom think:

What doesn’t short-circuit my senses….makes me stronger!  Yeah!  That’s the ticket!

See Boy #1 clump back into the room and quietly say:

Mom, I’ve calmed myself down.  It’s broken.  What can I do?

See Mom think:

Lovely, it’s time for Mom Speech #2,834 about choosing how to react when life turns out non-optimal.

See Mom sit Boy #1 on her knee and give Speech #2,834 about choosing how to react when life turns out non-optimal.

See Boy #1 perk up and start to build with Legos.

See Boy #2 try to catapult his circle car across the room –

Look Mom, my car flies!

See Mom return to her work.

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 What do  you think Mom has learned from the above?

Great question!  Well, the fact is…I’ve been teaching ALL of my kids how you cannot control what life throws at you….but you CAN choose how you react. 

Thing is, though….this lesson migrates into one ear and out the other, cheerfully waving at me as it disappears into the sunset.

Thus, it’s something that needs to be heard again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again anagain and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and….until it is FINALLY internalized.

A walk in the park…it’s NOT.  Unless, of course, your walk in the park happens during a category 5 Hurricane and lasts 3 years.

 So what’s the point of this post?

You can have all the best intentions in the world, and all the knowledge and wisdom your 4 decades have bestowed upon you….but if your recipient chooses NOT to hear……tough.  DEAL WITH IT.

Notice how I just switched the focus of the post from the person who needs to learn….to the one who ALREADY has the answers?

Hmmm?

It’s frustrating for us to watch our friends and family stumble thru challenges that we ourselves have already endured.   But the plain fact is, you can only be there when ears and hearts are open to hear your message…and not angst over witnessing their past failures.

Now if that’s not character-building, I don’t know what is! 

But like my mom says, you cannot put an old head on a young body.  You can only honor their own journey and proactively be there when help is desired. 

And maybe, that’s just the way it should be.  What do you think?

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling