7 of the Top 10 Funniest Halloween Marketing Safety Tips

Morning!

Today is….Halloween!

And if you're a parent like me, you've already:

Received 92 hysterical emails about Halloween safety
Indulged in the New and Improved Blandness Infused Halloween school party (complete with fresh fruit platters and goldfish crackers because god forbid, we as parents assume responsibility for our kids health and let the kids actually eat something that tastes good!)

But wait! What about *you*, I say?

What about your key critical compelling needs of Halloween safety…ie, Halloween Marketing Safety?

Safety is not only for kids, you know – we adults also should follow time-proven safety procedures that ensures not only our well-being online, but our constantly dissolving sanity as well!

Fear not gentle reader, for I have read your mind (yes I have!) and have come to your aid!

Without any further ado, please joyfully revel in:

7 Top Ten Piercing Halloween Marketing Safety Tips

1.) Look both ways before jumping into a conversation.

We always tell our kids to look both ways when crossing a street; after all, if it came down to a contest between a Dodge Grand Caravan and a 9 year old dressed up as Superman, methinks the minivan would win, alas.

Well! The same thing goes for social networking and marketing.

If you come across a springy debate on a blog post, or if you have an insane urge to insert yourself into a rousing Twitter conversation, it behooves you to get *all* the facts….*first.*

After all, if you respond to the comment "Oh no, I was horribly trashed online at this blog!" with "How could they? They're dumber than a school of piranha that flunked out of preschool!" , and *then*, upon further examination, realize the original commenter would have been better served by being eaten by said school of predatory piranha…you come across as, well, a ninny.

Takeaway: Always take the extra minute or so to realize you're dealing with an incoming disaster…and then refrain from commenting.

2.) Be careful about the masks you wear

Remember how we always tell our kids their masks should never obscure their vision? After all, we really don't want them to gracefully become one with a brick wall by walking straight into it, now do we?

The same thing goes for your marketing online.

Sure, you can "fake it to you make it" but c'mon already – declaring yourself an Internet marketing expert when:

Your site's main category is "Uncategorized"
Your website description is "Just another WordPress weblog"
Your affiliate links are uncloaked

just kinda sorta shows you as a wannabe pretender who is wearing the wrong mask, indeed.

Takeaway: Do your homework in whatever field you want to become an expert *prior* to declaring yourself the untouchable Yoda.

3.) Only buy the legit products

Have you told your kids yet to "only eat the safe candy, except for the chocolate and Sweet Tarts and cinnamon Red Hots because only parents as magnificent as Mom or Dad deserve those?

Apply that brilliant wisdom to yourself as well.

You know, I'm all for spending money on one's business (heck, 6 weeks ago I spent almost 4K on a complete and total website overhaul by Men With Pens – coming soon!). Thing is, though, you *have* do really do your own research when considering when to invest your hard-earned cash into something that actually *will* make your life easier.

Remember, the marketers' job is to get you soooo excited (read "3 Hellish MindF*cks Rogue Marketers Hope You’ll Believe (and how to destroy them today)" for more about that) that your common sense evaporates, making you feverishly scramble for your frightened credit card like a mindless zombie.

It's *your* job to be an educated consumer!

2 Tools I've bought for my business (and happily parted with me money) include:

My affiliate management backend (Rapid Action Profits)
Self-hosted autoresponder (Followup Autoresponder Pro)

There's more of course, but those are the latest.

Takeaway: Never fall prey to the smoke and mirrors unethical marketers will try to drown you with. Always research first and foremost and *then* decide intelligently what tool really does what it says.

4.) Never market alone.

Imagine the following.

Tell your children to go trick or treating alone.

Yes…by themselves.

Now imagine… they were abducted by space aliens

Just who, I might ask, would be able to contact Oprah?

Yep. What I said.

The same thing goes for marketing! A marketer who shuns social networking is missing out, big huge mondo time, on building robus relationships and sweetly promoting their own memorable goodness. The Internet is big and huge and unless you're Chuck Norris, you cannot be everywhere at once!

Takeaway: Make sure your site has all of your social networking icons blazingly visible, and take the time to create a smashing Facebook Fan Page and Twitter Twelcome page.

5.) Be careful of whom you endorse

Sex.

It's a wondrous pastime.

I love it.

But I'm a mature, consenting adult, of course. Which your kids…are *not*.

So it makes sense that you would check your local sex offenders' registry before taking your kids out trick or treating, right?

The same thing goes with people you consider interacting with or networking online.

Always ask yourself, is this the person I'm comfortable to be around? Do I agree with his or her values? Am I enhancing myself by endorsing this individual, or will I be tarred with the same unethical brush?

Takeaway: Your own reputation comes into play when you endorse someone. Make sure they are worthy of you.

6.) Stay abreast of your domain expiration date!

When we happily drive our children to the delightful housing development cozily nestled behind the Kmart shopping center (huge number of houses packed onto a postage stamp lot) , we always make certain to verify we have enough gas in our Mommy Mobile so we can haul our stash back home.

The same thing goes with being prepared by knowing your domain expiration date.

After all, you do *not* want to wake up one morning to discover your branded site now features dancing porno hamsters, right?

Takeaway: Set up an additional email reminder that causes a giant hand to emerge from your scream, grab you around the throat, shake you 98 times and yell, PAY THE RENEWAL FEE! (if that fails, Remember the Milk is a good backup…)

7.) Don't trash the competition

Vandalism…it's just not cool.

We tell our kids that, right? After all, Mischief Night is for scum-sucking losers, wouldn't you agree?

Apply that to your business online.

When you start bad-mouthing your competition, or try to prop up insecurities by bullying someone online, all you're doing is bellowing to the subsequent readers, "Hey! Lookie here! I'se an idjut I is!"

And that's not a reputation you want to promote. 'Nuff said.