Are YOU Cravenly Destroying the Only Future You Possess?

Every action you commit to today…. can potentially color your future a particularly rancid shade of decay tomorrow.

Did you realize? As you mosey thru the years, you’ll start to remember key turning points 10/20/30/120 years ago. Times that you could have turned right but instead, self-combusted and sliced the people you love with jaggedEdged words that never healed. And started *them* on the path you swore you’d never do.

I’m talking (okay writing), of course, about the agonizingly delightful challenges of parenting.

I firmly believe that in the vast majority of cases, no parent wakes up and decrees, Hey! Today I’m going to utterly destroy my children’s self-confidence and ensure *their* lives are set upon a path of violent self-destruction! Woohoo come join the fun! Thing is, however…. if a parent believes they are *always* in the right and their kids are *always* in the wrong, the “good” intentions mean zilch. The damage gets done and years/decades/centuries later, the cycle of abuse smoothly continues to destroy grandkids, great grand kids and the like.

I personally am very lucky in that I was never abused by my folks/family, but was horribly bullied/etc. as a child. When my kids started encountering potential bullying issues, I made damned sure *they* would never follow my earlier weakness and proactively chose to break the vicious cycle. There are still challenging issues (especially with Honorable Son II) but all in all, my kids are navigating peer pressure and social clues far better than did I.

What’s truly sad, however, is when said parents get into their 70s and 80s and realize that jeepers! their children are totally lost to them. And it’s not solely the kids’ fault either. If a child becomes a delinquent/scum-sucking horrendous ickified adult, it doesn’t take a Masters Degree in Fossilized Clamness to realize he/she learned how to behave/survive at the feet of parental toxicity. Then *their* children (grandkids) will continue the cycle in all of its rotted decaying disgustingness.

I personally cannot imagine being an elderly All-Powerful Goddess of Motherhood in my 80s and having to accept the fact my kids are lost to me due to my unintentionally lousy parenting. However, some of my friends are hellbent for achieving that very goal. I’ve internalized that I cannot do anything whatsoever to help; I can only listen, say, Uh huh, and think to myself, “My gosh! Can’t you see that it is your own damned fault!” Sharing that take, however, would serve no purpose; the Art of Denial is impossible to eradicate at that age.

This is one reason why I always debrief with my kids and listen whenever they have issues. And wow, it’s *super* tough at times. Honestly, I can see why many parents choose to refuse to consider their kids’ take – it’s ‘way easier to simply lay down the law and wallow in self-righteousness. But having just witnessed the scorched earth results of 40 years of parenting stupidity…. here is my very best takeaway for you.

Take the *time* to validate your kids’ feelings and keep the lines of communication open.

Growing old alone is very tragic indeed.

Grow strong,

Barbara Ling