Benefits of NOT being a Young Whipper-Snapper – Today’s humor!

Morning!

You know, as the All Powerful Mother Unit of Many, I’m constantly challenged to stay on my toes (I’ll be posting more about that tomorrow!).  It makes me yearn for the true benefits of becoming, ahem, more venerable:

• If you’ve never smoked, you can start now and it won’t have time to hurt you.
• In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
• It’s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
• Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
• No one expects you to run–anywhere.
• People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?.
• People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
• Single people don’t flirt with you anymore.
• There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
• Things you buy now don’t have time to wear out.
• You can eat supper at 4pm.
• You can live without sex but not your glasses.
• You carry a copy of your list of medications in your purse or wallet.
• You fall asleep on the couch while watching a movie on the Lifetime channel at 8:00pm.
• You get into heated arguments over pensions and social security benefits.
• You have a separate freezer in the basement full of bulk meats you bought at Sam’s Club!
• You have your Primary Care doctor’s number on speed dial.
• You hear your favorite song in the elevator.
• You inexplicably gain 10 lbs every year.
• You look forward to a dull evening.
• You no longer think of speed limits as limiting.
• You obey speed limits without even trying.
• You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
• You refer to your diuretic as your "water pill".
• You shop for clothes that are durable and comfortable rather than "in fashion".
• You sing along with elevator music.
• You start most of your conversations with the word "Nowadays".
• You take classes at Home Depot.
• You throw parties to show off your new grill.
• You wake up at 6:00 am, no matter what time you went to sleep.
• You wear socks with your sandals.
• You’re asleep, but the nurse starts checking your carotid pulse.
• You’ve wondered whatever happened to "full service" at the gas station.
• Your eyes won’t get much worse.
• Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off!
• Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them, either!!

Sure made me smile! 

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling