He JUST wanted to say HI! (Destroy your cluelessness today)

Morning,

Quick!  Read the following!

…Sitting quietly on the mall bench beside my husband, I was minding my own business when the man approached. I glanced up as the man sat next to me. He was a bit close for my comfort, so I edged a little closer to my husband who, busy reading a book, ignored me. Still feeling a bit uncomfortable with the strange man so close, I then turned my head slightly away from him, politely indicating I was not interested in any interaction.

To my horror, the man leaned over me and began licking my neck while rudely groping me.  When I screamed and pushed him away, my trouble really began. My husband angrily threw me to the ground, yelling at me "Why did you do that? He was only trying to be friendly and say hi! What a touchy bitch you are! You’re going to have to learn to behave better in public."

People all around us stared and shook their heads sadly. I heard a few murmuring that they thought my husband should do something about my behavior; some even mentioned that he shouldn’t have such a violent woman out in public until I’d been trained better. As my husband dragged me to the car, I noticed that the man who had groped me had gone a bit further down the mall and was doing the same thing to other women.  

This is a silly scenario, isn’t it? First, anyone who knows me knows that I would never be in a mall except under considerable duress. More seriously, no rational human being would consider my response to the man’s rudeness as inappropriate or vicious. By invading my personal space, the man crossed the lines of decent, civilized behavior; my response would be considered quite justified.  That my husband might punish me for responding to such rudeness by screaming and pushing the offender away is perhaps the most ridiculous aspect of this scenario. If he were to act in this way, there would be no doubt in the minds of even the most casual observers that his ego was of far greater importance than my safety or comfort, and that he was sorely lacking even rudimentary empathy for how I might be feeling in this situation.

Fortunately for me, this scenario is completely imaginary. Unfortunately for many dogs, it is a very real scenario that is repeated far too often….MORE….

What a tremendous read, eh?  The above article focuses on understanding dog behavior, and why if your dog is approached by another who "just wanted to say "Hi!"", it’s pretty understandable that your dog would be mighty pissed off indeed.

This excellent post (and I do encourage you to read it in its entirety) focuses upon dog ownership and understanding why what we see as "saying "Hi!"" might be interpreted by your canine companion as majorily annoying and worthy of returned aggression.  What I’d like to focus upon in my post, however, is applying the above concepts to your OWN personal interactions…both online and off.

Let me now ask you:

Have you ever been guilty of trying to help someone "for their own good"? 

Or perhaps, you’ve seen that their business ability online is on par with a hot-rodding lemur, and you offer to redo a section of their site or update their design, only to be received by an attitude slightly less frigid than a deep space vacuum?

I sure know I have been guilty of that!  True, I have learned from my mom that you never tell someone "for their own good" (with those precise words no less), but to this day, I’ll proactively fix my friends’ graphics, rewrite their copy and the like.

However….I’ve learned ONLY to do this for friends who appreciate the effort.

The fact is, while you might have the best of intentions when you try to help out people you cherish, they might choose to view your actions as meddling in the best-case scenario and insulting in the worst (how DARE you imply my current site/work/graphics aren’t perfection?).

And of course, that is extremely non-optimal for your own personal relationships!

Thus, before you go out of your way "Just to say HI!", consider the following 2 points:

What egos are involved?

If you are a divine being when it comes to website design, and your friends generally acknowledge that, egos are often left undisturbed if you offer assistance.  After all, your abilities are known far and wide!  BUT!  If your suggestions might gently step on the toes of the recipient ("gently" meaning "hold the 16 ton anvil, I’ve got an 18!"), preface your help with:

Hey, I noticed the following on your site, and because I had some spare time, I dashed off something that might be useful for you in the future….

There’s no implication of, you must use my help, or, you must worship the ground upon which I walk!  Instead, you’re giving the recipient the option to value it or not.  ‘course, if they choose not, you have no reason to go out of your way a second time. 

How much time do you have?

Being a good friend is a wonderful thing indeed…but taking care of Number One (ie, yourself) is far more important.  Don’t sacrifice your own success for someone else’s (especially if they haven’t even asked for your help).

I truly do believe what goes around, comes around.  We’re all fellow travelers in this thing called LIFE..and when you do a good deed today, chances are….it will be remembered tomorrow (or whenever you need it).

And that, of course…can only be described as a Very Good Thing Indeed. 

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling

ps – speaking about obnoxious, have you seen: