Morning!
So….tell me now.
Whisper it gently to me.
Ready?
Alrighty, it's this:
Just *how* pathetic are you?
Hmmm?
And even more importantly…
And have you truly come to peace with it yet today?
What's that?
You *haven't*?
As a matter of fact, you boldly choose to challenge my brilliant insight by claiming, you're *not* pathetic?
Permit me to say….
Hah!
Ho ho!
And dare I say it….
HEE HEE HEE HEE!
Pardon my hysterical laughter.
As you can tell, I've been having quite the character-building past few days….and I decided it was high time I share it with my community.
See, it all started a few days ago when my ankle fell off.
Well, okay, it didn't quite fall off.
Folks who have been following my since my Fab Fit Mom days know that last year, I visited the Hospital for Special Surgery to see if anything could be done about my ankle (it kinda sorta has zero cartilage and right now, is comprised of just bone on bone).
And alas, the answer was a resounding NOPE!
The prognosis was that my ankle will keep degrading and degrading (we're talking forget the D-, we're now into massive F achievement here) until I have to have it fused.
Hey, these things happen.
Zoom up to a few days ago, where, well, it kinda sorta, umm….happened.
My ankle decided to stop working for a period of time (several periods, actually) – the latest one was while I was sitting at my son's school concert' (yes, sitting and not moving) and it just seized up.
It wasn't quite as embarrassing not as enjoyable to watch as:
'Matter of fact, I just kinda sorta froze in my seat and had a deep, meaningful conversation with my ankle, something along the lines of:
"Ahem, just *what* the hell are you doing, beloved ankle of mine?"
Alas, I received no response (ankles are notorious for that). Soon after, it returned to normal and life went on as usual.
With the following big huge massively neon glowing exception.
I realized that sooner, as opposed to later, I will be unable to walk.
Heck of a realization, that.
And how did I deal with it, you might ask?
How bravely and with steadfast courage did I face that fact of life?
I sat down and cried and felt more sorry for myself than Sarah Palin feels when wolves walk into her shotgun range.
In other words, I gave myself permission to honor my grief and accept the fact that, well, life sucks sometimes.
Why me?
Why now?
Why, after everything I've gone thru, must this happen to *me*?
Character-building this kind of grief is, character-building.
And guess what I learned?
This sort of pathetic self-pity (and here's the reason why this post was born) is absolutely critical to healing.
Why?
Because when you feel all poor-me/woe-is-me/the world is against me….those are honest, heartfelt emotions that need to escape from your inner-spirit….big time.
Self-pity generates a huuuuuge amount of energy. I mean, let's get real here – when you're sitting about sunk in the deepest, darkest, blackest pit of angsting emo-ness that today's youth would envy, your body might be motionless but your mind refuses to stop spinning.
That spinning; the energy it creates….it just *has* to be released.
Which brings me yet again to the point of this post.
And it's this.
Feeling sorry for yourself; it's natural. You grieve for what you don't have (like blogging success, like a well-deserved raise, like health) ….but then you have to do *something* with the pent-up energy.
See, the true fact of life is the following.
Life….happens. And if you just passively sit there and whine, nothing changes. You're still hosed.
The sun won't care whatsoever that you're steadily becoming handicapped. The moon won't bat a lunar eclipse that your business is failing horribly online.
But *you*….you can take ownership and *change* the future.
You can take all of that seething negative energy of "Woe is me" and turn it into something glorious.
You really can.
So here's how I chose to tackle my issues:
Emphasized moving my body.
After giving myself permission to really wallow in self-pity and grief, I revisited my exercising schedule at the gym (the less weight I carry on my frame, the easier the load on my ankles).
Asked myself, what else can I do when I'm home to move said body?
I started researching upright exercise bikes for home. I can longer use treadmills or ellipticals, but I *can* bike. That moves my legs and my hips (and as walking more than a couple 100 of feet is out of the question for me, this is a Good Thing indeed!).
Told my kids and husband.
My journey in part is their journey too (because whenever life throws me lemons, it does take effort to turn those into gourmet coffee). And sometimes, I do deal with personal questioning and self-doubts, and sometimes it comes out in my overall personality.
It just common courtesy to let my family know that the all-powerful Mother unit is currently dealing with personal stress. They flocked to me and asked what they could do….my family really does rock!
But of course, the above is just me.
Let's now turn our focus to someone far more important….you.
Do you feel you should always be operating at 135% efficiency?
Do you run into situations which you refuse to acknowledge?
Do you realize that if you do nothing about the above…you *will* crash and burn?
There's nothing wrong with being weak within your own personal time and space. As a matter of fact, honoring your fragility can go light-years towards building up your own inner strength for future challenges…because the energy you release can be directed towards making *your* personal future the best it can possibly be.
And that…can only be described as a Very Good Thing indeed.
What's your take? I'd love to hear your views below.
Enjoy!
Grow strong,
Barbara Ling
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You’ll love what you learn… Promise!