Why hello there!
So nice to see you back here.
When last I wrote, I had mentioned the physical problems that I was going thru, and my realization that hey! They're not going to get better…they're simply going to get worse. 🙁
These things happen.
And I spent several hours/days/weeks (not all at once, mind you! 🙂 ) giving myself permission to feel quite sorry for myself indeed.
You know, methinks that's really part of the healing process.
Sure, it would be really nifty to be the Iron All Powerful Mother Unit who flinches from no problems!
But as I discovered during that time…I *am* only human. And it's actually (get this!) human nature to want to grieve for that which was within your grasp for ever so short a time…and then was brutally snatched away.
So.
There I was. I had lost 50+ pounds, I had 2 years or so of being in fantastic physical condition (I even was able to run up a hill, something I can no longer do but wow, the sheer sense of euphoria knowing I had achieved an impossible goal…I still remember that to this day), and then, it went bye-bye.
Most unhappy, that.
But again, these things happen.
Which made me take a long, hard look at myself.
I was in my mid-40s with a tremendous sense of self-confidence, decaying lower limbs and a worsening ability in mobility.
Thus, my magnificent inner spirit was wrapped in a body that was about as wondrously optimal as a beat up 3 legged chair that was about to see the recycling dump.
Not good.
So I decided to explore what, for me, had been unthinkable before.
If I couldn't fix my lower body, I *could*….improve my upper body.
In other words…
- I could look into getting a face lift.
- And a breast lift.
And all in all, simply indulging my own personal vanity.
Are you as shocked as I was at that moment?
I can sit back today and smile at my whole journey back then….it really was a war with me thinking:
"Jeepers self, I am who am I, who cares what the outer part of me looks like?"
and then answering….
"Guess what self, *I* care! And that's enough for me."
My gosh, what I said.
I was actually giving myself permission to be (dare I say it?) vain.
And you know something?
There's nothing wrong with that.
What a revelation.
See, one of my favorite personal sayings is that I could be knock-kneed, cross-eyed and balding…and still be the sexiest woman one can meet, simply because of how I view *myself*.
Which is still the case, you know.
But then I realized….for *me*….was that while emotional/spiritual strength (ie, my inner spirit) is magnificent, having it wrapped in a body that I could appreciate….is even better.
Your mileage, of course, may vary! 🙂
That decision was made at the beginning of January, and so then began my search for the most important part of the process…..
To be continued. 🙂
Enjoy,
Barbara
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