Why the HELL are you SO self-absorbed?

Morning!

• Ever have the weekend from hell?
• Ever count on your friends to reassure you that These Things Happen?
• Ever get horribly disappointed?

Yep…me too.  Sigh.

I’m still dealing with my weekend, mind you.  To put it mildly, it was a symphony of rather negative happenings that all conspired together to whomp me with the following delightful kick in the teeth:

When it comes to making my sites work, I cannot depend upon ANYONE….except me.

And you know…that’s just plain life.  It really is!  After all, there are no laws that say, just because I go out of my way to help folks….they should do the same thing for me.

Okay, there’s no laws that say that…but dammit, there should be!  🙂

Seriously though…I made two lousy mistakes this past weekend.

Mistake number 1 was counting on someone who let something critical fall thru the cracks.

Mistake number 2 was counting on a dear friend of mine to actually read my email which stated quite how miserable the weekend was…and actually show some empathy.

Neither of the two people above reciprocated 1/10th of what I’ve happily done for them.  Heck, they probably didn’t even realize the situation (if I had hit them on the head with a hammer and said YO!  I need help!, I know they would have responded).

Sigh.

‘Course, I take ownership of my feelings and emotions; I cannot control how other people behave, but I CAN control how I respond.

So!  I spoke to the first person in question rather quietly indeed (and when I get quiet, it’s the kind of deadly quiet that scares Godzilla) and we resolved our communications issues; after all, we’ve all failed mind-reading 101 and I treasure both people enough to try and see what went on.

I have yet to talk with the second person.  Hopefully I will this week.

Sigh.

My mistake was counting on the second person to offer me support.  In hindsight, I should not NEED support from anyone; I generally stand alone and rely solely upon myself.  But a few days ago, I actually gave myself permission to be vulnerable….which proved to be rather idiotic on my part.

Sigh.  Ah well, these things happen.  Some year, perhaps when I’m dead, I’ll learn.

I think I was born knowing how to show empathy to friends and loved ones alike.  And it’s really disappointing to realize quite how self-absorbed people really can be.

Which brings me to the point of this post.

Whenever a friend reaches out to you, please…do NOT ignore it.

It can take a lot of courage on your friend’s part to actually show the need for comfort/support.  Heck, I’m sure you’ve experienced that feeling too…the desire to be comforted but also the fear that your needs will be laughed at or worse…. ignored.

Sigh.

Life should NOT be an indulgence of self-absorbtion.  Even if you think your friend is rock-steady and unbeatable in the extreme…there are always times when EVERYONE needs to hear from their friends or loved ones:

"Hey.  I can’t fix your problem but wow, I’m so sorry you’re going thru it.  Here’s a hug, hope you feel better soon!"

And your friends shouldn’t have to go out of their way to beg for that either.

Always be alert to how your friends are doing…and if you see someone is having a lousy day, be there for that person.  You don’t have to spend hours talking to him or her – take the 10 seconds it involves and dash off an email/tweet/IM that says, "thinking of you and hoping your day goes better."

I think I would have done anything for that this past weekend.

Sigh.

Enjoy,

Barbara Ling